did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I party with great urgency now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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