Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
