he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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