he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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