every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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