i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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