We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
