sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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