just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
