I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
