I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize