What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
