Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I love having hate sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
