I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
