Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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