This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?