Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles