porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default