I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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