The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?