I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat