i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker