she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
