dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
