K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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