i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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