you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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