i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
