Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
