Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
