I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
