dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
