Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
