i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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