we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
