Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
