New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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