i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
