she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
