I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
