My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
