How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
