I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
