I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
