you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
