if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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