James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
