Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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