walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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