I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
