I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
