if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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