We need to rekindle our bromance
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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