i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
