Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
