I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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