you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
