Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
jump out the window naked night went bad
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
