Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
