I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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