I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
