I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
