Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
