Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now

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(765): View more from Indiana

So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.

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(517): View more from Michigan

He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

ugh yes i love our date nights

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(563): View more from Iowa

I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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(512): View more from Texas

I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...

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(678): View more from Georgia

Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?

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