you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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