I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pants are for mortals
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral