Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
