We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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