There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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