To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
