It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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