Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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